Source: short funny phrases The following are the best short funny phrases by Emo Philips . 1. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. – Emo Philips 2. How many people here have telekinetic powers? Raise my hand. – Emo Philips 3. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness. – Emo Philips 4. I ran five miles today. Then, finally, I said, ‘Here, lady… take your purse.’ – Emo Philips If you enjoyed these short funny phrases, please share.